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Har du hørt disse vitsene?
På biblioteket
- Du er på jakt etter Facebook, sier du?
- Ja. Helst pocketutgaven.
Brann
- Mamma, kan jeg få litt mer vann?
- Men du har fått masse vann!
- Ja, men det brenner fortsatt på soverommet mitt.
Karakterer
- Pappa, leser du dårlige bøker?
- Nei, gutten min.
- Da vil du vel ikke se i karakterboken min?
Barn og stjerner
- Mormor, hvis en stjerne faller i sjøen, blir den da en
sjøstjerne?
Barn og sauer
- Mamma, er den brune sauen grillet?
Kannibaler
- Finnes det noen kannibaler her på øya?
- Nei, de har vi spist for lenge siden.
I en svensk tv-shop
Kunden: Selger dere farge-tv?
Ekspeditøren: Ja.
Kunden: Da vil jeg ha en blå og gul.
Familie
Hun: Hvis vi gifter oss, får vi tre barn.
Han: Hvordan vet du det?
Hun: De bor hjemme hos meg nå.
Ques: Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays???
Ans: At a ho-ho-tel!
Judge: What were you caught doing???
Thief: My early Christmas shopping.
Judge: How early???
Thief: Before the shop opened.
Ques: Why is Christmas just like a day in office???
Ans: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Ques: What does an 'elf' learn in school???
Ans: Elf'abets
LADA
Per: - Vet du hvordan man fordobler verdien av en Lada?
Ole: - Nei.
Per: - Man fyller opp bensintanken.
HÅR......
- Så forferdelig langt hår du har da, unge mann.
Du burde ha klippet deg for lenge siden.
- Jeg har klippet meg for lenge siden.
LADA 2
Per: - Vet du når en Lada går fortest?
Ole: - Nei.
Per: - På samlebåndet.
DE ADELIGE
Ole: - Mamma, hvis du var grevinne og pappa var greve,
er jeg grevling da?
KJØPE DATAMASKIN
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer?
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER...
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"...
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